


You Aren't Ready

by KailynBail



Series: Nas'Falon [2]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, F/M, Other, Smut and Fluff, fen'harel rears his ugly head, lavellan done screwed up too, nothing stays perfect, people don't get all better, solas you done screwed up, some things are better left unsaid, some things need to be said, some things never change, sometimes love isn't everything, the archivist in the library, the spirit of ameridan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-04
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-08-13 01:03:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7956061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KailynBail/pseuds/KailynBail
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two years since he found her in the forest. Two years since they fought. Two years since he got her in his arms, where she belonged. Two years of learning to love, learning to trust... learning to hold her, touch her, let himself be with her as Solas *and* Fen'Harel. She had changed everything, like she always had. She surprised him a little each day... showed him that he still had so much to learn. But old habits die hard... and trust is so easily broken... and a heart... is so fragile. For all his long years... Solas still hasn't learned the most important lessons. Lessons she still has to teach him... even if it tears them apart.</p><p>[I'm currently working on the next chapters, I haven't abandoned this, I'm just suffering from a severe case of 'where to take this' - 8/9/2017]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Two Years Later

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a continuation of the perfect little "But Take Comfort... for I am not alone." That is also a part of this "series". I didn't want to add it to that one because... well... I like to read my own stuff. I know, it's probably like super lame to do that but sometimes I just want to finish reading something on a happy note, a heart warming awww note. So... this is off on its own little area. It's UNFINISHED and I have no idea how long this is going to be and yes... I know... cliche of me to do this with them but I just couldn't help it. I mean come on... it's just so... angst! Oh... the angst. For the angst... charge!!!!!!
> 
> NOTE: UPDATE 3/5/2017 : I know that it's been awhile since I've updated this and for that I do apologize. The next chapter needs some major editing and work still and I really am working on it. <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Serious smut warning here. NSFW on a crazy level.

Ellana ran her hand down her left arm… the faded lines gyrating in response to the touch. The mark had been stable for over a year now, it had stopped spreading, though now it was well into her chest and back and most discernible, at least to Solas… had been the day when he’d looked to her during a battle with Venatori, who were still in force across Thedas… and he’d seen her left eye aglow with the faded magic. But… it was stable now. Solas had taken her deep into the fade in search of a way… and they’d found it. An ancient spirit, one far older than even the eldest that Solas had ever encountered had come forth… drawn by the mark. He was a spirit of one of the forgotten ones… and he cradled her arm gently… a caress, a tender touch that had Solas’ spine go rigid. The elder spirit eased the magic… his words pricking Solas’ pride… _whoever crafted this… thing… didn’t have a clue what he was doing._ Ellana sighed softly, looking out the large stone archway, the valley below covered in snow… she let the thick wool sleeve fall back down her arm, tugging at the hem to aid it. Her overdress was simple, grey wool that was woven thick against the cold. The sleeves were slightly belled, the skirting fluttered around her herringbone leggings, her silver hair was so long now… studded with various braids. She smiled quietly as she saw some of the children sledding far below… they’d liberated so many slaves and city elves over the past few years. She’d helped Solas see what was truly important… while he was preoccupied with recreating a world where elves were powerful… he had missed the point. Even though he claimed he was doing it for the people… he was forgetting all about _the people_.

Solas stood in the doorway to the upper solar… watching her. His heart full… so much so that he still couldn’t believe nor understand how he had walked away those few years ago. She had a gentle way about her that he lacked, he knew it the first time he spoke with her… and she’d proven it more and more these past few years. She’d showed him that the people… the elves now… they were _people_. They cared, they lived, they were _real_. That she wasn’t some anomaly. That wasn’t to say that they weren’t met with plenty of resistance, especially from the Dalish. Her own clan, however, had followed their Keeper. She didn’t deny him his goals… merely helped him alter them in a way that would allow the worlds to coexist. The places, such as this one, where his people used to live… were free of the veil… places where the veil had already started to fall. Places where pulling it down the rest of the way wasn’t violent, but a natural progression of what time had already done. They still had many enemies… but these places, such as this one… his valley… was well protected. And here, especially here, in their massive quarters… he knew she was safe. He had begun to struggle, shortly after he bound himself to her… he began to struggle with her going into battle. He still did… though she had shut that down, right quick and in a hurry. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust in her skills… he merely worried over her. He let the gentle smile settle over his features as he shoved off from the doorway and walked over to her… his thick tunic not unlike hers though his was admittedly more opulent, old habits die hard apparently. He settled his hands on her shoulders, sending that soft smile down to her when she looked up at him. He spread his fingers and started massaging the muscles beneath the wool. “Enjoying the day, _ara’lan?”_

Ellan leaned back against him, the window seat soft beneath her, a _hmm_ coming from her at his initial touch. She gave him a tender look of her own. “More now that you have returned, _ara’isha_.” He’d been across the bridge, as she called it in her mind. The library still needed quite a bit of work… and he had been working quite a bit there lately, finally having the time to focus upon it. She reached down, wrapping her arm behind his leg, her grip settling on his calf lazily, the herringbone leggings like her own… a style he’d taken to wearing.

Solas didn’t miss the fact that the way they were… he would have scoffed at himself just a decade ago if he ever though he’d be this way with anyone. He felt her hand upon him and couldn’t help  but shift closer to her… he craved her touch, that hadn’t changed at all. Granted, to him… two years was but a blink of an eye, less than really. He stooped low and kissed her brow… initially intending for that to be all… but he couldn’t be that close to her lips without covering them. He took in a sharp breath as he sank down into the kiss… feeling her turn to face him without breaking the connection. He swayed when he felt her hands travel up the back of his legs… and take hold of his rear in a way that he’d never admit to liking so much. He broke the kiss with a bit of a gasp. “ _Vhenan_ …” He had a chastising tone to his voice.

Ellana gave him an impish grin… a bit of a squeeze that had his eyes widen slightly… she rolled her lips inward and gave him a subtle nod, letting her hands travel upwards further, slipping beneath his tunic and settle over his lower back. She didn’t rightly know what had gotten into her though she suspected… she suddenly wanted him fiercely. “What…” She gave him a feigned innocent look as she pulled him closer, due to her skirting, he had little choice but to step on either side of her legs. She ran her hands around to the front and lifted his tunic as she leaned in… nipping at the laces of his leggings while holding his eye, watching as he took in a controlled breath, feeling his hands on her shoulders tighten their hold just slightly. Much had changed within him over the past few years but he still tried so hard to hold onto that control, maintain the propriety.

Solas’ eyes did widen slightly, his chest feeling as though it had gone too small for his lungs. What… had gotten into her? He was… confused. She’d never been this way, not truly… she had desired him, still desired him plenty, true… but this… was… he swallowed roughly when she nipped at the laces. His body answering her intensely… he felt her fingers slide down… those laces starting to go loose. “What… are you doing…” He breathed… having to close his eyes, his fingers sinking into her hair at the base of her neck… his thumbs toying with her ears. It was… he could hardly think. He had intended to sweep her away to their private chambers in a bit… after he’d had a chance to talk with her on what had transpired at the library but… now he couldn’t for the life of him remember what he’d wanted to tell her.

Ellana watched as he struggled to remain still… she loosed the laces entirely… “Nothing.” She said coyly before she leaned in and kissed his defined groin muscle, feeling him jump slightly and looking up at him as he looked down at her sharply, his brows drawn low at her boldness. Her fingers gripped the waistband of his leggings and started to pull them apart further. “Nothing at all…” She breathed against his skin, feeling it break out into chills as well as other things that had started to grow… feeling him against her chin. His hands slid down to her shoulders, she felt the resistance, the way he was starting to push her away.

Solas couldn’t help but swallow roughly again… the look in his eyes… he wasn’t sure whether he wanted her to stop this brazen display or… _by the void_ , keep going. That’s not to say that they were prudes… it was just that… there were many areas that they hadn’t gone, not over bashfulness but over propriety. He came from a world where those of certain stations simply did not perform certain acts… acts that were once relegated to those of lesser classes, those who were enslaved and forced to do those things. He knew that now, in _modern times_ , these things were commonplace… but he’d yet to partake. He had thought it degrading… and… his hold on her shoulders tensed further when she kissed him again, splitting the front of his leggings further… her lips so close to his straining length. His breath left him in a rush as he shook his head slightly. “Ellana…” Her name came on the end of that breath, he was _trying_ to tell her to stop… and had been intent to tell her why… that… things such as this… weren’t done… by… she kissed him again, closer… “That’s… this…” He swayed, his eyes closing slowly as he felt himself freed of his leggings… his erection jutting away from himself, the cool air brushing over the fevered skin. “Isn’t something that…” He tensed violently when he felt her hand wrap around him, his cock jerking in her hold. _Dear Skies…_ he shuddered as he felt her fingers flow over him… his eyes fluttered when he looked down at her. Her eyes were soaked with arousal… “It’s not… we don’t…” He lost his voice when she gave a closed lip kiss to the head of him. His hips bucked away from her sharply. Seeing her there… _right there_ … his hands gripped her shoulders tightly. “Do this…” He managed before his entire body broke out into a sweat, his skin felt as though it lit on fire… he watched her wrap her lips around him, pulling the head of him into her mouth. He sucked in a sharp breath through clinched teeth, his hands leapt to her scalp, fingers digging into her hair… “Do that.” He corrected, he felt her other hand pulling his leggings down further, then her grip was behind him again, the muscle tense in her hold. The groan that bubbled out of him caught _him_ off guard. His chest heaved as he watched her take him further into her mouth and suckle upon him firmly, he felt the tremble go up his spine and spear him in the base of his skull, feeling as though he had no choice… his head fell back as his heart started to slam around in his chest. “ _Vhenan…”_

Ellana felt the muscles that made him flex in a rolling wave, tensing in a way that was unique to that part of him. His hands in her hair pulled at her, eager despite his hesitant words… the way he let his head fall back… the strained way he spoke… the desire that bled onto the words. She felt her core throb at the taste of him, salty and unmistakably him. She ran her fingers down to both brace the base of him and toy with the soft skin below, feeling it pucker in response to her touch… the way his muscles all tensed in his own response… she rolled her lips down upon him again, another healthy suckle given... she fell into a steady rhythm that had him panting above her, his eyes widened when he looked down at her, his breaths sawing in and out of him. She felt him kick against the roof of her mouth, the moan she gave had him do it again… she saw him shudder, felt him do so… saw the sweat blooming over his brow, the near panic sinking into his eyes as she felt his length grow as rigid as he did whenever he drew close. _So soon…_ that was what she thought and the look said in his eyes. She increased her efforts… saw how he fought the feeling.

Solas couldn’t think… he.. just couldn’t. He couldn’t think about how unlike her this was… how inappropriate this was… how this wasn’t something that was done amongst those of their standing… what he _could_ think of was how damn good it felt. How delirious he was quickly becoming with how her tongue felt upon him, how her lips slid over him… the ridges at the roof of her mouth sliding over the head of him. The suction she was creating each time she pulled back, her hand toying with him… the rhythm she had set… the way she was looking up at him… he was on the cusp _so soon_. He felt his release poised, moments away from leaping from him… he gathered her hair in his hands, a gentle pull, his hips pivoting away from her as he tried to speak. “I’m… wait…” He saw in her eyes that she knew… she pulled him in deeply, his mouth fell open as his eyes closed on their own, the shudder racing through him, the way she urged him forward, that was all it took. The subtle pivot of his hips… feeling the head of himself nudge against her pallet… the way she tightened her hand around the base of him… his release gripped him. He barked out a strangled cry as he felt his cum pour out of him, felt her moan vibrate around him, felt himself go hypersensitive and her mouth turn gentle… his knees shook as he could barely stand for that moment. He watched her pull away, discretely wipe her mouth… he suddenly didn’t care why she’d done that, what had gotten into her, or any of that. He framed her face, bent low and captured her lips fiercely… felt her shifting as he pivoted upon her lips, falling into the kiss… tasting himself in her mouth was oddly erotic, knowing where her mouth had been. He felt her hands take hold of his hips… her legs slide along the outside of his own… he fell down to a kneel, his hands running up her legs, finding them bare… he nipped at her lower lip when she pulled away for air. He was mad with desire… his hands flew to her hips, clawing at her… he dove into her nape, his teeth scraping along her skin, her hands pulling at his tunic, he didn’t pause… he jerked her towards him, pulling her to the edge of the seat. He braced his weight on a single foot and fought with her skirting for an infuriating amount of time, in other words… a few seconds… he took hold of his still straining cock, throbbing and full of need, setting himself to her always had his breath leave him in a rush… he didn’t pause to savor the moment. He found her swollen and wet, ready for him… her voice slipped out to him… a plea… he drove himself into her sharply, a nearly dark grin pulled at him as he started an immediate rhythm, laying over her, bending her back… one hand holding fast to her hip while the other reached and took hold of the windowsill. He’d long forgotten where they were… long ignored the openness of it all… he felt that need, that desire… the demand to hear her cry out for him, hear her scream his name… it’d been some time since he’d taken her fully clothed, too eager to wait the short time it would take to disrobe and take her to a bed. He left her with no choice but to simply hang on as started slamming himself into her.

Ellana held fast to him as he hit all the right spots, as he always did… but this was what she’d desired… she wanted him just as he was right now. The sharp thrusts, the way he showed her exactly how much he wanted her beneath him… the way he set his brow to hers, the way he bared his teeth, the determination in his expression, the way his tenor kept leaping from him each time his hips met hers… the sound of him taking her in the air around them. Her moans came so frequently, the yelps he pulled from her… the way her body tightened around him only urged him on, only made him drive into her deeper… she knew he’d start… and there it was. Words in elven far more ancient than even she knew of as ancient elven started flying from him, falling from his lips as he urged her to give him her release… demanded it of her. She wept around him, his whole body working above her, when her orgasm gripped her, she felt the pleasure wash over her in waves that had her scream his name, throw her head back and hang onto him fiercely, her body pulling at him as he bared down upon her just as fiercely as she held onto him. He joined her a moment later, his second orgasm no less intense than the first, she felt him coming deep within her as he locked his hips to hers, gathering her to him as he nuzzled against her neck, raining kisses upon her as she held him close.

Solas panted right along with her… pulling back to look at her face, brushing his fingers down her cheek. “What was that about…” He breathed… now that he was able to think… he withdrew from her slowly, wincing slightly as his hands dove beneath her skirting and he tucked himself away and laced his leggings, tying them briefly before he sat beside her, watching as she pulled her skirting down completely.


	2. I’m not sure you really want to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a little insight into how their relationship has evolved over the past two years, how they act towards one another, how they just *are*. And yes, I did the thing. I KNOW! I know, take me out back and shoot me.

Ellana smiled softly and brushed some of her hair from her face, looking out the window again, feeling him pull her legs up and over his lap, laying her out lazily. “I… I just missed you.” Even _she_ heard the evasion in the words.

Solas settled his hands on her shins gently, his brows shifting as he heard the dodge. “Ellana.” She turned towards him though he saw she didn’t truly want to look at him, she was hesitant to do so. “What’s going on?”

Ellana made a sort of face as she pulled one of the scarves from the window and gathered it in her hands, toying with it. “I’m not sure you really want to know.”

Solas didn’t like the sound of that nor the way she was acting… another oddity. “ _Vhenan_ …” He lead on, his tone changing slightly.

Ellana made another face, sighing heavily. “Solas… much has changed over the past few years… in the world and between you and I… but… I’m not sure if you are ready to hear what I have to say.” She looked at him apologetically, for she spoke the truth.

Solas’ spine stiffened at the last. “Ellana… I may not have always taken your suggestions or advice with grace but I have always been ready to hear what you have to say for it is you saying it… there is nothing that you could say that would change… the way I feel for you, you know that. I… I value your words, if there is something that you wish to suggest or… advise me on… I would hear you say so…”

Ellana blinked… stared at him for a moment before shaking her head and swinging her legs off of him, bending low to pick her leggings up and standing. “No, you aren’t ready.” She started walking away, aiming for the bath. She desired a long soak in the warm waters that smelled of the forest… in truth, perhaps she was not ready to tell him.

Solas watched her go and his mouth fell open a bit. Did she… what… he stood up and followed. “ _Ellana_ …” He stressed her name as he followed her down the stone corridor… through the solarium, and through another corridor. “Will you… stop walking away from me…” He reached for her arm only for her to evade him. He followed her into the room with vines for a ceiling and baths for a floor… the steam rising up from the fragrant waters, lotus flowers floating throughout the pools.

Ellana pulled her overdress off and laid it over one of the stone benches, running her hands over her hair to smooth it back down for some had tried to float. She evaded another reach from him before stepping down into the warm waters… quickly wading out into the water, pushing away some of the flowers. “I told you, Solas… you are not ready to hear this.” _You’ll have to tell him sooner or later…_

Solas folded his arms over his chest, his lips forming a thin line as he watched her childishly evade him, in his opinion. “Ellana… stop playing games.” His ire was kicking in, his irritation... even if he _was_ enjoying the show.

Ellana rolled her eyes at him, turning her back upon him. “I am not playing games, _Fen’Harel._ ” She shot the name at him, knowing it irritated him… hoping that he’d leave her be, now that she’d decided to chicken out.

Solas’ brow went low. “ _Inquisitor._ ” He returned in kind. “I believe you are… what is it that you believe I’m not ready to hear? Or is it that you are not ready to tell me? What have you done now?” He felt his temper light fully, knowing that _she_ knew calling him that would always do that to him. He didn’t care if anyone else called him that… he did indeed take it as a badge of pride… but from her? He never could stand to hear it in her voice.

Ellana heard the edge set into his voice. “ _I_ have done nothing… alone.” She added on, letting her hands sink into the water, watching the ripples move out across the surface as she moved her hands beneath. She conveniently ignored the first part of his minor tirade.

Solas gave an aggravated sigh. “Then what have you done with _someone else_.” He couldn’t deny the small seed of jealousy that started in the back of his mind… he easily ignored it but it was still there.

Ellana frowned slightly as she looked down at the water still. “Nothing.”

Solas’ jaw set as he heard the lie. “Ellana, do not lie to me.” He heard the command bleed onto his words, still, he let the demand stand.

Ellana took a controlled breath, shaking her head. “You are not ready.” She repeated.

Solas threw his hands out with an exasperated sigh. _This confounding woman!_ “Ellana!” He barked at her, his anger evident. When she remained stubbornly quiet, he barked out another order. “Speak!” He was tired of this game, knowing she did this whenever she had something to say that she really didn’t want to… though, the whole _you’re not ready_ thing _was_ new.

Ellana whipped around at the command, throwing her arms out from herself, her hair having fell over her chest, her brows drawn low. “I’m with child!” She barked back at him, watching as it took him a full heartbeat to understand the words she’d thrown at him… his brows slowly lifting, his lips slowly rolling inward…


	3. The Situation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I... I... I... just... I...

Solas swallowed tensely as his brows continued to lift. He finally had to part his lips so he could let loose a breath he’d sudden held when those words registered. He didn’t rightly know how to respond… at all. He’d never thought… that he’d ever… that she… of course he knew how these things happened but for some reason he just never thought… with him being who he was… what he was… and her being a mortal… he just never thought. He suddenly felt as though his tunic was too tight, too warm… he tugged at the collar, sweat breaking out over his entire body.

Ellana watched as he started to pale. “I _told you_ you were not ready to hear this!” She folded her arms over her chest, shaking her head as she looked at him… her eyes starting to sting.

Solas saw the hurt flutter through her eyes… but he couldn’t move… he couldn’t speak. He was still… stunned. He tried to take a full breath but just… couldn’t. He felt his heart pounding… his muscles all starting to tremble… _panic_ , that was the feeling that was starting to course through him. He’d thought himself a strong male… one who could weather anything, all the centuries he’d lived, he had never encountered anything that he didn’t know how to handle at least in some form. But this… he felt shame fill him as he had to force himself to remain where he was and not flee from the near debilitating fear that started to overthrow him.

Ellana watched as his expression went guarded… hidden as it had so many years ago. He did not want her to see what he was thinking… which didn’t bring with it any confidence. “Hell, Solas… say _something_.” She stressed, wrapping her arms around her further.

Solas swallowed down the metallic taste in his mouth… the spikes of fear that made his tongue feel thick. His slate hues had gone intense though he knew he was shielding himself. “I apologize… Ellana… for allowing this… unfortunate event to occur.” His words sounded cold even to him… and a great deal of himself couldn’t believe he was saying them. He was not a perfect male… he had flaws… a big one being the one he was displaying right now. The one that lead to him leaving her those years ago… he couldn’t imagine his life with a  child in it. “We will.. I will… determine the best course of action to take to remedy the situation.”

Ellana just… stared at him in disbelief. _Her_ Solas disappeared behind that mask of propriety and duty… for two years she’d had him… and now, presented with yet another choice that wasn’t truly a choice… he showed her exactly how little he had truly changed. She blinked a few times, her eyes biting at her as her throat tightened… and her heart shattered all over again. She kicked her chin up slightly… her expression smoothing out to one as chilled as it had been when she held that sword to his throat. “Very well.” She turned her back upon him again, slow… controlled… movements.

Solas nodded stiffly… too wrapped up in his own warped world to notice the change in her… he turned away and left her to her bath. As soon as he was out of ear shot, he broke into a dead run… fleeing the conversation. He didn’t stop until he was on the edge of the valley, his breath ragged, tearing from his lungs as they bit at him. He stood up, watching the sun sinking over the horizon, casting the snow covered valley into shadow. The people that had been enjoying the day below long since departing to their own homes… his brows pitched outward as he sank down into the snow, his knees hitting the packed cold. He tried to ignore the gnawing feeling in his stomach, knowing he’d reacted the absolute wrong way. Knowing his words had been… he closed his eyes, squeezing them tightly against the world. _You foolish boy!_ He screamed at himself between his ears. He’d seen the moment her heart broke, it was there in her eyes… he saw the way the light dimmed… and then how she’d gone so damned cold. But he’d ignored it… he’d brushed right past it… he’d let his fear rule him… again. He felt his chest crack open, his hand clutched over his heart as he felt the stabbing pain. The sob caught him by surprise… the hurt unlike any he’d ever known. He forced himself to stand… he had to go back… he had to apologize. “Right now.” He said out loud, his voice thick with unshed tears. He faded back to the baths… nearly falling when his feet regained solidity. “Ellana… I—“ He blinked… turning away and rushing down the hall. She wasn’t there. Of course she wasn’t there, he shook his head at himself… it’d been a few hours, of course she wasn’t _still_ in the baths. He burst into their chambers, throwing the doors open, “Ellana!” His expression fell… lips parting slowly for how his jaw went slack. Not a single lamp was lit… nor a candle… the hearth was cold. Echoes of what happened bled upon the stone… he heard her screams… the agony that ripped through her as his eyes flew over the strewn curtains that had been ripped from the rods… her cries that filled the air… the smell of freshly fallen rain… her tears… the thrown chair against the wall. He stepped inward… taking a shuddered breath, the glass biting at his feet… the lamp she had thrown, the one he’d gotten for her in Val Royeux because she liked to read well into the night. He felt as though he was moving in slow motion, the world speeding around him… he turned towards the wardrobe… seeing the bottom panel torn up… he bent low, his hand reaching only to pull back just as slow. Her battle robes, long since she’d worn them… stitched with the hand of her clan’s craftsman… he’d gotten her much better ones… those were what she wore now… yet… those still hung on the stand… her older ones… gone. He looked to the side… her dresser drawers were all thrown open, unceremoniously hanging there. His breath caught in his throat as his chest hitched… _she’s gone…_ he shook his head sharply and made for the door again, his steps sliding to a halt as he saw the dagger. He started closing the door, the parchment hanging there, pinned by the blade. He felt the tremble wash over him as he read her delicate script…

_Unfortunate situation remedied._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Solas... you are a total and complete fuck.head.   
> There, had to say it. Seriously... this is just how it wrote out. I'm sorry! *hides*


	4. Fen'Harel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sigh.

He jumped violently as a voice sounded behind him.

“You hurt her greatly, _Fen’Harel_.” The Archivist hovered there, just above the stone. She frowned deeply, looking around the room and the destruction… the fallout of the Mistress’ pain.

Solas tensed and turned, facing the spirit of knowledge. He took that ragged breath, feeling it tumble out of him. “If you know anything, Arch… please…” He didn’t like the way she turned away from him.

She shook her head at him. “I am not sure you deserve to know.” She said truthfully. “The Mistress means a great deal to me.”

Solas’ eyes closed slowly as he set his hands to his hips, bowing his head. “And to me.” He said low.

She pinned him with a fierce gaze. “Then _why_ did you do this to her, _Fen’Harel_? She was…” She pulled up short, pinching her lips together.

Solas looked up at her sharply. “She was what? Arch if you have knowledge, I demand to know it!” He was on a hair trigger, barely able to maintain control as he stood in the wreckage of his own doing.

“She was so happy when she realized what was happening.”

Solas’ anger flooded him. “You _knew_?!”

The Archivist nodded. “Of course, I knew. I may not have a form any longer, _Fen’Harel_ , but I was once a blooded woman. I once had children of my own.” She reminded him firmly. “She agonized over the decision to tell you for days… she was sure you were ready. That you had grown…” She shook her head at him. “Yet… her own fear held her back. She saw what you have been doing in the library.” She looked at him pointedly.

Solas closed his eyes tightly again… knowing well that the Archivist was referring to the maps… the ones where he was charting where the veil was thin, non-existent, and strong… and the many notes he had been gathering on how to force the veil thinner where it was strong… push it towards weakening and how to force the thin areas to break entirely. He’d been trying to continue with his previous plan… but for different reasons. He’d seen how her living here, where the veil had fallen, had returned her vitality… though not completely. He feared a life without her… he sought now to tear it down to restore her immortality. Still… he knew how it must have looked. “Do you know where she went?”

The Archivist shook her head at him. “No. I don’t believe she thought she’d ever have to leave this place… not like this. But…” She sighed heavily, she could see his pain, his regret… his shame. “Some saw a strangely dressed woman leave through the southern eluvian not an hour ago.”

Solas ran a hand over his bare scalp… the southern eluvian? She could quite literally be anywhere by now. He nodded and gave a dismissive wave of his hand. “Thank you, Arch.” He felt the hopelessness and despair pulling at him. He’d lost her… again.

The Archivist watched him as he just… stood there. “You aren’t going after her?” She couldn’t chase the shock from her voice.

Solas shook his head. “I wouldn’t know where to even start.” He admitted. “I doubt she’d listen to anything I have to say at this point. And… I’m not sure I even deserve a third chance.”

The Archivist narrowed her eyes at him and if she could, she’d smack him  upside that bald head of his. “Fool.” She ground out, ignoring the sharp look he sent her. “That is your _asha_ and your _da’len!”_ she bellowed at him. “If you do not go after them than you truly do not deserve that chance.” She left him in a huff, confounded and irate with him. 

Solas blinked as the Archivist vanished… his woman and his… he swallowed roughly, feeling that fear sink into him anew. His _child_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *beats Solas with a fluffy bunny* Douche.Canoe!!!  
> Yeah... I know... I'm a horrible horrible person, I shouldn't be allowed to write anymore. Alas, I am. So... it continues!


	5. He Became Valor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a super short chapter, a bridge chapter if you will. Just wanted to touch on Ellana.

~~~~Ellana crested the hill before her, the moon hanging high overhead, her staff sinking down into the icy soil. Above her, resting high upon the mountain, she saw the fires of Stone-bear Hold… the only place she thought she could go. The Avaar knew her here… they respected her… and knew nothing of the Inquisition’s demise, Solas… nor her departure with him. They were her only allies… and as much as it pained her to admit it… she’d need some for the months to come. She pulled the traveling cloak further around herself, the thick fur combating the chill of the season. “Are you sure…. I… I don’t know.” She whispered to the specter beside her.

Ameridan’s ghostly form stood there, stoic but present. “Inquisitor… they will at least give you much needed supplies. I know of a place… further in the mountains… you will be safe there.” He didn’t know how he’d become a spirit, in truth… he’d longed to be united with his love… but she’d moved on, in the years that had passed between them. Now, he bore an attribute. _Valor_. But he was still new to being a spirit and much of his former self remained. He remembered her… thus when she’d called for help… for courage… he’d answered. There, on the borders of the unnamed valley… he’d come to her. By the way she’d looked at him, he could tell she hadn’t expected anyone to answer. Ameridan stood by her now… her… who reminded him so much of his precious Telana.

Ellana nodded but still hadn’t looked at him. “Please, Ameridan… call me Ellana… for I am not the Inquisitor any longer.” She said low before moving ahead. “Make yourself unseen… these people, while they revere spirits… seeing one so in the open might make them uncomfortable.” She whispered as they climbed the mountain path.

Ameridan nodded again. “Of course.” His spectral voice still foreign to his own ears… he faded, becoming invisible to those around him, including her. But he settled a hand upon her shoulder… lest she forget he was there. He felt her stiffen… and felt… something else. She was marked, and not just by the anchor on her hand… she was… bonded and… his brow went low as he sensed and listened. She was with child… and her heart… he frowned deeply as he felt her pain, and her courage wavering. That must have been why he’d truly been drawn to her. He remained silent as they entered the village, he watched as people remembered her, greeted her as Ellana First-Thaw. He watched on as she opted to simply gain supplies… she bartered for two harts… and left the village, one laden with supplies.

By the time they were well into the mountains, Ameridan had shown himself again… he didn’t speak on his discovery. He led her to the ruin he knew of… the wards still strong… when she questioned what kind of place this was… this building of wood and stone, set into the endless warrens of the high country… he felt memories tug at him. “This was where I brought Telana… the last night.” He said low, looking at her with a knowing gaze. “It will give you shelter… while your heart heals… and you grow large with your child.” He finally let it be known that _he_ knew.

Ellana frowned at him… but nodded. Of course he’d know… he was a spirit. It didn’t take long for her to unload all the supplies and set her bedroll in the corner… get a fire going… and make herself something to eat. Once fed, she curled upon the furs and watched the flames dance… and fought the sorrow in her chest.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ellana, you're being an idiot too! But yeah, Ameridan just showed up out of nowhere, I swear. He just drifted right in all on his own, I have no idea where the hell he came from.


End file.
